The Half Couple Problem

Question: My and I have a couple of friends that we see about every month or so at our local social.  My wife thinks the other guy is hot as fire, I think his wife is two-ton Tillie.  She points out that almost all of the women who attend our local social think he is the hottest guy there.  However, I am just not interested in his wife at all.  Last social, we ended up in an awkward situation: He and my wife were kissing on the dance floor, three sheets to the wind, and I was trying to politely fend off his wife without hurting her feelings.  Do I take one for the team and get my payoff later, or, well, what the heck do I do about this?  My wife didn’t see what the big deal was, but I was really angry: This was about the third time I’ve been put in this position and I don’t like it one bit.

Answer: You and your wife have what is known as the half couple problem: One half of the couple is attractive to you, the other half is not.  Virtually every couple has this issue arise – repeatedly.  In fact, it never seems to go away as you will be confronted by this problem time and time again as you explore the lifestyle together.

While some couples agree to ‘take one for the team,’ and have no problem with that, you obviously do, at least with this particular couple.  There is no universal right or wrong with either choice: What really matters is what is right for you and your partner.

So taking one for the team won’t work with this couple - the negative emotions you are feeling are to strong.  You may find other couples where you don’t mind doing this, but this couple is not one of them: You really don’t want to hook up with the other guy’s wife, and you’ve described your feelings about your wife kissing him on several occasions in very strong, negative language.

Thus the answer, as in most cases where lifestyle issues come up, involves a deeper level of communication with your partner.  She really wants to hook up with him, and doesn’t want to be denied, but you will be better off finding another couple to play with.  Sooner or later, the shoe will be on the other foot: You will want to hook up with some hottie and her husband is a nottie.  Thus the sooner you each agree to move on to only those couples you both are interested in, the better.  Neither of you will change the other’s mind when it comes to finding someone attractive when you just don’t.